Dear Sleep: A love letter from a part-time insomniac

Dear Sleep,

It's hard to know where to begin, so before I start, please know you mean the world to me. Your absence is slowly making me crazy, and I don't know how much longer I can live without you. Are you mad at me? Is it something I said or did?

I feel like our relationship isn't what it used to be anymore, and I'm not sure why. We used to be great together. Parting ways with you in the morning was always the saddest way to start my day. I would begrudgingly tear myself away, cursing the inventor of alarm clocks and days that started before 10 a.m. I would think about you all the time and even sneak a quick visit when no one was looking, if for just a few minutes. I remember hanging out with my friends at night, secretly fantasizing about how soon I could come home to you.

I don't know how many times you made me late for work, rushing through my morning routine because all I really wanted was "5 more minutes" with you. And remember all those times you tricked me into staying in on the weekends? "Just an hour, ok? Maybe two, then I really have to get up and get ready". Then, in the blink of an eye, it's 1 a.m., and the only thing left to do is snuggle right back into your welcoming, deceptive arms. No, no... I'm not mad. I kind of enjoyed our quiet nights in together, you prankster, you.

I used to wake up in the middle of the night, glance at my phone, and close my eyes again, smiling because I knew I got to spend a few more hours with you. Now when I wake up, you're not even here. I wait and wait and wait for you, and when you finally do come back, it's too late, and you've ruined my day. Everyone can see it on my face. There are only so many days I can disguise my eyes behind a pair of shades to hide the damage you cause me. They all know, yet I keep defending you, unwilling to admit that we're having some "problems." It seems like lately, the only times we really get along is when booze is involved. Since when did we need to throw back a few drinks in order to hang out for more than a couple of hours? I deserve better than that. WE deserve better than that.

Listen, I want to make things work again. I'm willing to try anything because, well, I miss you. Our relationship was one of the few I could always rely on, year after year. Remember last summer? And all those years in high school? We were inseparable, you and me. Now, it's like we only see each other when we absolutely have to. That's no way to live, and I think we should put a stop to this nonsense. How about this? I'll try to come to bed more relaxed and with a clearer mind. I'll only focus on you and promise to be less distracted. And I won't ever, ever take you for granted again.

Please come back. I need you.

xo,

Sara